So, you fancy a weekend away with your partner. The in-laws live nearby, so what do you do? You do what so many parents do, and rope in the grandparents to look after the kids.
Given the cost of childcare, many grandparents now also have a regular childminding duty during the working week to help out.
This creates a strong bond between the children and the grandparents, usually revolving around the children being spoilt rotten by their doting grandparents.
What then happens on the parents’ separation? How are those grandparent relationships maintained for the benefit of the children?
Usually, both parents respect the grandparents’ relationship with the children and do all they can to maintain it in the future. There is normally no reason why the grandparents’ childcare duties should stop, providing they are still happy to help out. More importantly, it should help the children feel more secure during their parents’ separation. It will also help out the now separated parents with their childcare costs and responsibilities.
The problem arises when after separation one parent struggles to have a relationship with the children. During any court application, the court will inevitably just focus on the parent’s relationship with the children, not the grandparents’ or other family members.
In extreme cases, the parent will lose their relationship and contact with the children. Usually this means the grandparents also lose their relationship with the children.
The knock-on effect for the children is that they lose half of their wider family and identity.
These are really difficult situations. At Children in the Middle® we can advise you on how best to handle them. Please just get in touch.